This post is entirely religious and very personal. If you don't agree with me that's fine, but no negative comments please. Just be respectful. Thank you.
For one thing, I really love my church. I don't know what I would do or where I would be in my life were I not in it, but neither of those answers would be good ones.
Today, my room mate Kristen wasn't feeling well again. This was day 2 that she missed school. So she asked Ryan, our home teacher, if he would come and give her a blessing. He did and brought his room mate, Jeff, to help. (You need 2 or more worthy Priesthood holders to give a blessing in our church). When they came, Emily also asked for a blessing, then I did and then Jessica as well.
Emily and Kristen held out pretty well, but Jessica and I were bawling like babies haha. It was... wonderful, to be honest.
I can't even begin to explain how much relief I felt. So much peace. Comfort is a good word as well, but not quite as much as relief.
Ryan, bless his heart, heard God's message for me VERY clearly. He told me EXACTLY what I needed to hear. I didn't tell him much about what was going on, just that a lot has been stressing me out and that I've been sick and I didn't know what to do. Nothing specific, just that. And yet his answers were everything I needed to hear.
My God, my Father in Heaven loves me. That was the central message I received today. And He knows how hard things have been lately. He really does. But He's always there, waiting to help me when I ask Him to.
I had been talking to Emily about maybe dropping my second major. German is by far my toughest class. I'm really struggling with it and I've been feeling discouraged lately. We were talking about it right before Ryan and Jeff got here. Not even 20 minutes before, and my mentioning it to her was the first time I said anything about it to ANYONE. I had played with the idea before but dismissed it until very recently.
I bring this up because my blessing told me that I need to stick with it. I can't take the easy way out and I know what I need to do. Ryan had NO idea about any of that. He and I are friends, but we're not that close. He doesn't know how hard this has been for me. And yet the right words came out of his mouth. It was a metaphorical slap in the face, but I needed it.
I'm also stretched very thin with all my responsibilities that are each pulling me in a different direction. I tried to dismiss it and tell myself that it's not really all that bad, but Ryan said something about it again. God reassured me, through him, that He knows how little of a balance there is in my life right now and that this, too, is hard. But I know I always have someone to reach out to.
The Savior knows what I'm thinking and feeling and dreaming. He knows everything about me and he felt it all for me and continues to feel it all WITH me. I don't know of many comforts greater than that.
I'm a lucky kid. Without that blessing and the love and support of my amazing room mates and friends, I would never make it through all of this. I don't know how everyone else copes with things like this.
The entire atmosphere of our apartment changed today. There is a warm and calming spirit here tonight where, before they came and blessed us, there was only anxiety and chaos.
After they left, Emily and I decided to go buy ice cream. We walked outside and it was snowing VERY hard. Emily and I love snow. It's the first real snow of the season and we enjoyed every bone-soaking and frozen second of it. It started when we left and stopped moments after we got home. Walking through it warmed my spirits even more. Snow and ice are so comforting to me. I love winter and this was my first taste of it this season. I really needed it, and to me it was just one more little sign of God's love for me.
Life is so hard, but I have so much help.
Thank you everyone for all your support. I feels so wonderful and free right now.
Earlier today, right before they came, I was going to sit down and write something that came to me earlier today. It was full of angst and pain. I like the story, but it's not really cheerful. Once Ryan and Jeff had come and gone, though, I found myself unable to write it at all.
Isn't that wonderful?
I'm such a lucky kid. I just wish there were more ways to sing my God's praises and to give thanks to Him for everything He has done for me, even just today.
Tomorrow is going to be rough. Carson is taking Katie to the MTC (missionary training center) and I know it's going to be a struggle for everyone to get through. But now I'm ready.
With God on my side, I can do ANYTHING. Even in German.
Night all. I love you all so very much. Thank you for reading my blog.
♥♥♥
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